I can't remember the last good movie that came out. I haven't paid full price for a movie since that Jar Jar Binks piece of crap. It is so bad now that I don't even feel good about going to the 2 dollar show anymore. The last time I did that was for the 3rd Lord of the Rings movie. I wanted to blow my brains out waiting for it to end (and then end again). Can anyone in Hollywood spell dialogue? You would think that nobody over the age of 13 buys movie tickets.

I've been on sort of a Woody Allen kick lately. This is my favorite quote from one of his movies...


If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.

More Woody Allen quotes I found on-line...

Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.

If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.

I'm short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

The thing to remember is that each time of life has its appropriate rewards, whereas when you're dead it's hard to find the light switch. The chief problem about death, incidentally, is the fear that there may be no afterlife - a depressing thought, particularly for those who have bothered to shave. Also, there is the fear that there is an afterlife but no one will know where it's being held. On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of another boy.

I am at two with nature.

Some guy hit my fender, and I told him 'be fruitful, and multiply.' But not in those words.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my workI want to achieve it through not dying.

On bisexuality: It immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.

The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers.

I do not believe in an after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

More than any time in history mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly.

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.

Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.

94.5% of all statistics are made up.

Why ruin a good story with the truth?

Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the meal seriously.